I miss this journal. I miss writing and I miss people giving me feedback. I miss the feeling that people care what I have to say. Lately, I've been feeling like I might as well be mute. Because no one gives a fuck what I say anyway. If they are listening to me, it's only until the end of the commercial on their favorite tv show or until they feel ( Read more... )

Last night I cried myself to sleep. I need to get out of here. I'm seriously considering a move to Israel. Here, I have no one. I'm alone and miserable. I can't be this way any more. In israel, i can be sure that i will not be alone. There will always be someone there. I can escape from here, from this life. Escape from the pathetic existance that ( Read more... )

i don't know why i get so emotional out of nowhere. Right now, i have the unexplainable, unreasonable desire to cry. And i don't think i can hold it in. I don't like to be alone. Alone and sober is even worse. I'm desperately seeking someone to just sleep next to me. Nothing weird or unusual, just someone to lay beside me while i sleep. Maybe that ( Read more... )

i'm a lie.
i'm a liar.

( i'm a disease )

I got a speeding ticket wednsday night coming back from a sports bar off Lee Rd. $202.50...It was a fucking speed trap, a small area where the speed is reduced from 50mph to 35mph (and then goes back up after like a couple of feet) and the cops sit there and wait to get you. I was driving 57mph ( Read more... )

I feel like a crazy person. I know that this must mean that i'm perfectly sane. But I've come to realize that the life most people choose, the life most would consider normal and healthy, that isn't the life for me. I don't want to live a normal life, graduate college, get married, have a family and a career. I don't care about those things and i'm ( Read more... )

it's nice to feel wanted ( Read more... )

alone again
i thought i would want to strip down and sleep
but instead i sit here wide awake with my pjs on
the silence is deafening and i'm resisting the urge to fill myself up with pills.

I feel mentally unstable right now.
i just hope that the fear i feel now will disappear after a few hours sleep.

I've decided drugs are my only friend.

Because of this, i am now devoting all the time i used to devote to caring about people into finding myself some drugs.

i'm gonna get a B in a class I took for an easy A ( Read more... )